


Of Malice, Lice, and Ten's Questionable Parenting Skills

by Do_Droca



Series: The Wonderful Joys of Parenthood [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Attempt at Humor, But Now Ten is Stressed Too, But he is also precious, Family Dynamics, Father Figures, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Jaehyun!Dad, Jaemin!Kid, Jisung!Kid, JohnTen!Parents, Johnny!Dad, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is a Little Shit, Multi, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Stressed Lee Taeyong, Taeyong!Dad, Ten is Struggling, Ten!Dad, as always, jaeyong!parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24237550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Do_Droca/pseuds/Do_Droca
Summary: After Donghyuck shaves Jaemin's head bald, Jaemin is in danger of getting detention due to their school's strict regulations regarding hairstyles. So Taeyong, Jaemin's father, lies to the teachers claiming Donghyuck gave his son lice to avoid him getting in trouble, as every sane parent would do, getting Donghyuck into trouble instead, and chaos ensues.Alternatively: Ten's guide on how to deal with being a single parent of a demon because Johnny does virtually nothing except panic
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong
Series: The Wonderful Joys of Parenthood [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749424
Comments: 44
Kudos: 367





	Of Malice, Lice, and Ten's Questionable Parenting Skills

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, yes, I am back at it again with the mediocre crap you all seem to like. This time, the focus is on the Seo family, and how they deal with having Donghyuck as their child. I wasn't expecting for this to be so well received, so there is no real plot; all you guys are going to get is short snippets of their lives, kinda like a family sitcom of some sort, just to get to know the characters? Yeah, that's the best I can do at the moment. Hopefully, I'll be able to do a proper, +50k monster during the summer that has these same characters, but also a proper plot (something like Jaemin and Hyuck moving out for college, and how the fam deals with it?? Idk, lemme know if you're interested) I'll keep switching between the families for now, adding more characters and relationships, and so
> 
> ps. If you're new, I highly recommend checking the first part of the series! But that's up to you! No pressure!
> 
> Anyways, this episode is brought to you by my dear mother who ever so lovingly calls me and my sister big shit and little shit, and is kinda the inspiration for Ten's character. Hope you enjoy!

**How to be a Parent**

Ten is aware he is not in the position to be a bad father, at least not with a child that seems to have crawled out from God knows which circle of hell, but he likes to believe he is doing just fine. Not many would agree, that is for sure, but that is alright because the only valid opinion is Ten's own, and if he thinks he is doing a good job, then he is doing a good job, and everyone else can suck it. The little asshole is alive and healthy (he even got rid of his leg cast a couple of months ago) enjoying life to the fullest while torturing everyone around him with a smile on his face, and that must count for something, right? Surely he would not be smiling half as much as he does if Ten is as bad as people claim.

It has been almost 8 years since Ten purposely chose the evilest child ever so he could hide his parenting mistakes behind the excuse _you try raising him,_ and no one has died yet, so he really does not understand why people keep coming for his ass. He knew what he was getting himself into the moment he laid his eyes upon the kid, though not many believe him. He knew how big of a risk it was.

It did not stop him from making the best worst decision of his life.

Ten still vividly remembers the day he first saw Donghyuck. The boy was 8 at the time, all skin and bones, holding a child twice his size in a headlock, and Ten was a goner. _I want it_ , he told Johnny, pointing at the child with a finger much like a child would at a toy, just the way he did at their then-new Mercedes when they were buying it a few days before visiting the orphanage. Johnny looked at him like he was crazy, but Ten was determined. He wanted the nastiest child from the orphanage, someone strong and resilient, a child he will see as an equal instead of an inferior;

Basically, Ten wanted the human equivalent of a cockroach, because those were the only living creatures he could keep alive at the time. The number of creatures on that list bumped up to two, though. He's got Donghyuck now (It's a rather extensive list, he dares to say.)

The boy truly is the embodiment of a cockroach. It is something Ten spent two days on, collecting evidence and facts before making an official PowerPoint presentation for his husband who still, to this day, refuses to believe Donghyuck resembles anything other than a baby deer, even though it's clear he is a human cockroach.

He is nasty and incredibly fast, especially when he is running away from Ten and Johnny after he's done something he shouldn't have done. He keeps lurking through and getting stuck in places, _dirty_ places, places he should not have been at in the first place, like the abandoned house at the beginning of the woods or their crazy neighbor's basement. One time he disappeared for a whole day because he accidentally locked himself up in their other next-door neighbor's attic, causing both of his parents to worry tremendously. He came back by himself at dusk though, miraculously managing to climb down the drainpipe, scaring both Ten and Johnny who were camping on the front porch, waiting for their son to come home. Johnny found his first gray hair a day later, and it was only the first of many caused by Donghyuck and his tendency to make people worried.

His food choices are worrisome too. Diet-wise, Donghyuck is practically a scavenger, _just like a cockroach_ _—_ see, it all makes sense—and he eats everything, from raw pasta to chicken feet. Ten can't leave something as trivial as a single slice of bread unsupervised without Donghyuck coming and devouring it in seconds. It's been the main topic of many family fights. He also keeps managing to eat spoiled food without many consequences, and it baffles Ten beyond belief. The boy could probably eat a rotten tomato and not get sick—not that Ten wants him to try and do that. It's just a good description of how disgusting his eating habits are.

What is also borderline disgusting is the amount of skinship the boy demands. Donghyuck a very social creature, always craving contact, _just like a cockroach_ _—_ yes, that is a fact, cockroaches like to be touched. Ten googled it for his PowerPoint presentation—and he still keeps slithering into Ten's or Johnny's bed at night from time to time demanding cuddles, much to Ten's dismay. The man lost count of how many times he and his husband tried to be more intimate, only to be interrupted by the unmistakable sound of Donghyuck stomping down the hallway to their bedroom with a pillow under his arm.

So yes, Donghyuck is a handful, and he is nasty, and Ten is kind of struggling to keep up with him, but the man is pretty sure he would know if his son had lice.

"But have you checked?" his husband asks before going back to chewing one of his knuckles. He is still anxiously tapping his foot against the kitchen tiles, and it's driving Ten insane. It's lice, not a life-threatening disease.

"Yes, I crawled in his bed at night with a comb and a flashlight— _Of course not_! Why the fuck would I willingly go and touch his hair? Have you seen that thing? I told him to wash it two days ago, but it seems like he'd rather challenge his inner Danny Zuko instead. I have no idea what's going on with him. He was never this disgusting."

"Chittaphon, I am serious."

"I am, too," the smaller man says. "This is the first time I'm hearing about this."

Johnny is still tapping with his foot. "I saw him scratch his head yesterday."

Ten rolls his eyes. "Johnny. He is a nasty, stinky teenager with very questionable personal hygiene habits. I'm pretty sure it's just dandruff or just straight up grease. Really. His hair is so greasy I could use it to prep my pan and fry us eggs."

His husband ignores just about everything he said. "Jaehyun said he doesn't know anything about lice, but that he's _pretty sure_ it's just a misunderstanding," he mutters. "What kind of answer is that? I needed a simple yes or no, not a _pretty sure_."

"Johnny. You're overreacting," Ten says, putting down his tablet. He can not concentrate on his work if his husband is borderline tap dancing in the kitchen. "At least wait until the little asshole comes home. We'll ask him then. I reckon he'd be aware if he had lice."

"I don't want to ask him."

"Why?"

"What if he doesn't have them?"

"Then he doesn't have them, Johnny. It's as simple as—"

"The worst thing is that I wouldn't even be surprised if he has them, you know?" Johnny admits, interrupting Ten while loosening up his tie. He barely set foot into the house when he got the call from one of the teachers, so he did not have time to change from his work clothes. "He keeps going to that godforsaken house by the forest even though I told him not to. There's asbestos there, Ten, I'm sure of it. And a bunch of icky bugs. But he doesn't listen! He just does whatever he wants—"

"Worst case scenario, we'll have to shave his hair off," Ten reassures his husband, going back to the design he is working on, but not before adding, "I call dibs on that. You can stand by with a camera in case he starts crying or something. I'd love to have a picture of that."

"We already have at least five pictures of him crying framed in the hallway," Johnny reminds the other man. "Do we really need another one? People are going to think we're abusing him."

"If anything, he is abusing _us_ ," Ten says with a frown. His pen is lagging. "Where the fuck is he, anyway? It's 7. School ended at like, 2. That was 5 hours ago. Call him and tell him that if he doesn't get his ass home in the next 15 minutes, I'll take away his record player or something."

"You don't know where he is?" Johnny asks, but he doesn't seem too surprised. He pulls his phone out of his pocket with a sigh, shooting his son a text instead of calling.

"No," Ten simply replies. "But he is bound to come back."

"What if he got kidnapped on his way back home?"

Ten slowly raises his head to see if Johnny is kidding, and blinks when he realizes the man is serious. "Do you think anyone would willingly kidnap our child? Donghyuck Seo? Satan himself?"

"Well, not really," Johnny trails off.

"Even if someone kidnapped him, they'd give him back within an hour with a bow on his head," Ten drawls while shaking his head. "Kidnapped… You're funny, John."

Johnny's phone vibrates in his hand, and he takes a glance at it before rolling his eyes. He throws the phone on the table with a curl of his lip and curses softly, and Ten perks up his ears. It must be Donghyuck.

"So, where is he?"

"He's in the fucking garden."

And as on cue, something creaks outside, and both Johnny's and Ten's eyes widen in fear as soon as they hear the distinct sound of branches snapping in half, their stomachs dropping realizing their son is in the garden, most likely on the same tree whose branches are breaking. Something falls to the ground with a thud, and Ten jumps to his feet, recognizing the unmistakable sound of a human body hitting the ground, but before either of the two men have a chance to react, Donghyuck screams.

" _I'm fine_!"

Ten drops his tablet as soon as he hears those words, his hands flying to his chest because his heart feels like it might explode. Johnny crouches next to the kitchen island and rests his head against it with a relieved sigh, knees weak and hands shaky from the scare.

"I think I just lost at least 5 years of my life," the man says, still crouching in the kitchen.

"I'm _so_ going to kill that kid."

**How to be a _Good_ Parent**

" _Hold still, you little asshole_ ," Ten hisses, completely missing the scraped up part of his son's knee due to him trashing around like Ten is trying to kill him, which is, honestly, not too far from the truth, at least judging from the murderous look the man has. The kitchen is full of leaves and dirt Donghyuck brought along with him when they dragged him in, and Ten is standing in front of his son with a pack of antiseptic wipes Dongyuck is refusing to let any near his skin, wailing when his father tries to disinfect his wounds. His husband is of absolutely no help, looking up concussion signs instead of helping him clean Donghyuck up, leaning against the counter while he scrolls through a wikiHow article. All he does is coo at his son and say encouraging words from the distance, but does not dare coming closer. Ten is half-convinced it is because Johnny thinks Donghyuck has lice for real.

"It stings!" the 15-year-old cries out, pulling his leg away from his father and sliding up their kitchen island in a pathetic attempt of getting away, but in vain. Ten pulls him back with ease.

"It stings, huh," he hisses, "but climbing on a tree didn't sting?"

"That makes absolutely no sense, pa," Donghyuck grits out before letting out an embarrassingly high-pitched whine. " _Fuck_."

"Hey," Johnny finally stops scrolling through his phone, but instead of joining Ten and helping him, he nags. "I know it hurts, baby, but mind your tongue."

Ten snaps, throwing a dirty antiseptic wipe to the floor. "Give me that."

"Give you what?"

The shorter man promptly grabs the phone from his husband's hand and throws it in the direction of the sofa, but since it is rather far away, and Ten has never been the athletic type, it lands on the floor next to it with a crash. All three of them look at it for a second or two, and then Ten turns around and grabs another pack of antiseptic wipes, going back to tending Donghyuck's injuries as if nothing happened.

"Did you just—"

"Shut up, or I'll throw you too. Is your phone more important than our child, Seo? I think not. Get a fucking wipe and help me."

Even with two pairs of hands working on him, cleaning Donghyuck up still proves to be a challenge. He keeps wriggling and moving around, wailing like an injured animal, and Ten is losing his mind from his dramatic antics. He is acting as if he broke his leg again, when in fact, all of his injuries are small scratches that will heal within a week tops. The irony baffles Ten. The kid keeps doing dangerous things all the time and gets injured all the time, but seemingly has the pain tolerance of a newborn. And Ten knows he is not weak. He puts on the same show for a broken leg as he does for a razor cut.

Ten's guess is that it is just a matter of the dramatics, but it could also be a habit he developed when he was young. Like mentioned before, Donghyuck loves and craves attention, but it is hard to get it when you're just one of many children in an orphanage, and that leads Ten to believe Donghyuck used to throw tantrums when he was younger just to get attention. It is a sad, but also a tad bit annoying habit; he has a family willing to give him all the attention he wants now. He does not need to work for it anymore, much less work _that_ hard.

"Jesus, would you stop screeching? You're acting as if we're skinning you alive," Ten says, lightly smacking the boy's foot. He is sure the whole neighborhood is aware Donghyuck got hurt again by now. Despite already being balls deep in puberty, his voice remains high, shrill, and _loud_. So loud. There isn't sound insulation good enough to keep his voice within the confines of the Seo household. 

"He's hurt, Ten," Johnny states, hand protectively placed over Donghyuck's knee, albeit from afar. Ten rolls his eyes. Their son doesn't even have tears in his eyes. "It's alright, baby. Pa is being mean again."

"I just wanted to make a bigger treehouse," Donghyuck mumbles, his bottom lip cutely jutted out. Ten knows he is doing it on purpose to evoke pity from Johnny. His husband will, without a doubt, start working on expanding the already existing measly treehouse first thing tomorrow morning, because that is what Donghyuck wants, and what Donghyuck wants, Johnny gives. 

"I know, baby. It's okay. Daddy will help."

Ten can see Donghyuck internally retch at the words, uncomfortable with calling Johnny _daddy,_ but he says nothing to his husband, enjoying his son's uneasiness. They finish up cleaning his wounds with minimal screeching, for Donghyuck finally got tired of acting like he is in tremendous pain, and Ten bites his tongue in order not to comment on it, knowing the boy would go back to whining in a second just for the sake of it.

All three of them move to the living room. Ten does not bother cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, tip-toeing around the dirt with a grimace. Johnny bought them a brand new Roomba a week ago after Roomba the Third died due to accidentally sauntering out during a downpour. Ten thinks now is the best time to test Roomba the Fourth, so he turns it on, letting it roam on its own.

"There. Go eat some dirt."

He shoves the thing into the vague direction of the kitchen and then joins Donghyuck on the sofa, shoving away his legs to make more room for himself. Johnny is sitting in his tattered leather armchair 5 feet away from them, dejectedly looking at his phone, inspecting the damage Ten caused when he flung it across the room. The protection glass is ruined, one huge crack going directly over Donghyuck's face, and it looks sad. Unlike Ten, who has Donghyuck bawling his eyes out as his lock screen, Johnny has a beautiful picture of his son smiling, and the crack is ruining the aesthetic.

"My screen is cracked," he says and pouts. Ten doesn't even spare him a glance, reaching for his tablet, hoping to get back to work.

"You'll survive."

They fall into a comfortable silence. Johnny is trying to peel off his protection glass. Ten is working on a business card for one of his clients that is due next week, the one he was trying to finish before his husband came in barreling and panicking about lice—Ten still does not see what the big deal is, but whatever. Donghyuck is putting pink Hello Kitty bandaids on his legs and arms, scratching his head every now and then, and every time he does it, Johnny halts in his movements, carefully watching what the younger is doing. It becomes so distracting Ten snaps after a couple of minutes.

"Do you have lice?" he asks, setting his tablet aside and turning around to have a better look at his son. Donghyuck's eyes turn wide as saucers. Johnny promptly starts coughing.

"What?"

"Your teacher called. Said the Jungs told her you gave Jaemin lice," he explains. "Is that true?"

Donghyuck continues to look at him as if he has grown another head, clearly processing the information, and Ten can see the exact moment he realizes something.

"Oh, I'm going to kill that fucker."

**Unexpected Confessions**

"So you're telling me you shaved Jaemin's head."

"Yes."

"Jaemin is bald."

"Yes."

"Jaemin is bald and angry at you, and wants revenge."

"Yes."

"Well, that settles it," Ten picks back up his tablet. "See, John, no real lice. Just ma _lice_."

He chuckles at the pun, expecting the other two to join in, but when that does not happen, his laugh slowly dies away, an awkward silence filling the room. Clearing his throat, he gets back to work, launching the app on his tablet for what seems a millionth time today. He should've known they will not appreciate his superb sense of humor, those traitors.

"Not to be mean, baby," Johnny reluctantly begins, " but why do you keep scratching your head?"

It takes him a while, but Donghyuck does answer in the end, albeit shyly. "It's just… I don't know. I think my skin is just irritated by something."

"Maybe you should wash your hair more often, have you ever thought about that?" Ten scolds, his brows knitted together while he contemplates which font he should use for the company's name on the business card.

"But it burns, pa."

The statement causes Ten to put down his tablet again. "What do you mean _it burns_?"

Donghyuck seems to find his fingers interesting all out of a sudden, and he plays with them instead of answering Ten's question, refusing to look at either of his parents. Ten and Johnny share a look, both noticing something is off, and at that moment, Ten decides he will finish his project tomorrow, turning off his tablet and putting it away. He turns to look at his son again, who is sitting cross-legged next to him with curly, greasy hair falling into his eyes.

"Donghyuck," he calls, hoping the younger will understand he is serious, repeating himself. "What do you mean _it burns_?"

The teenager shakes his head, his mouth set in a hard line. Johnny leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees to be closer to his kid, who is dead set on ignoring him. "Baby, what's wrong?"

He shakes his head again. "You're going to be mad."

Ten does not like where this is going. Donghyuck is not the one to admit he is wrong, or admit that what he does is not something he is supposed to do, nor does he ever give some sort of a warning before dumping some concerning information. Thus, to hear him warn they're going to mad is unsettling. Ten has yet another silent conversation with his husband, giving him a small nod with his head when he signals with his head to Donghyuck, asking him if he should try to talk to him.

"Baby," Johnny begins again, voice calm and even. "We will not be mad. If it's something serious, you should tell us."

The answer is a few beats late. "Do you promise?"

"I promise."

"You know," he begins, still fiddling with his fingers, "that house by the woods. The one you forbid me to visit. I keep going back. And a month or so ago, while I was digging through some stuff, I noticed a rash on my hand. I didn't worry too much, thinking I must've brushed my hand on some nettle or something. And it went away! It did. But then it came back after a while, but this time it was on my back, and it burnt and itched. I was hoping it will go away on its own, and it did, just like the rash on my hand," he explains, getting more frustrated with each word, "And then I started getting it on my head, and it doesn't want to go away! I tried everything, every single cream and gel we have, and nothing."

By now, he is yelling, and there are tears in his eyes from frustration. "It _burns_ when I wash my hair, and it _always_ itches, and I keep scratching it! I showed it to Jaemin yesterday, and he kept teasing me I got _scabies_ or something from visiting that old house, so when we were trying to cut his hair, I fucked up on purpose so he would have to shave his head completely because I was so mad at him. And now he told everyone I had lice, and I don’t know what's worse scabies or lice."

Shoving his face into his hands, Donghyuck curls into himself, and although Ten can not see his face, he is sure he is crying. When he looks at Johnny, the man is looking at their son with a blank face, clearly still processing what the boy just said, and Ten wishes he was sitting closer so he could kick him for being so dumb and slow. 

"Hey, asshole," he gently calls his son, putting his arms on the boy's shoulders to get his attention, "calm down. We're not mad. It's alright."

"It's not going away, pa" the boy cries into his hands, his body shaking, and Ten knows that this time, Donghyuck is crying for real. Johnny, as always, gasps a second later, choosing the worst moment to comment.

"It's the asbestos, Ten! I told you!"

"Shut up," he hisses out when he notices Johnny's comment only made Donghyuck cry more. " _Donghyuck_. Donghyuck, baby, stop crying and look at me. Great. Look what you did, you fool, now he's even more upset."

His husband immediately lifts his hands in mock surrender. "I didn't do anything!"

"Whatever. Donghyuck. _Donghyuck_ , _listen to me_ ," he tries again. "Can you show me where it itches?"

The boy shakes his head again, but Ten continues to beg him, and in the end, with shaky hands, he throws his head back and shows the spot.

"It's not a lot," he says, "but it's so annoying. I want to tear that part of my skin off, pa."

And true to his words, in the spot he is showing two bumpy red patches are flaking, and Ten immediately recognizes what it might be, letting out a long sigh. He forces Donghyuck to show him the rest of the itchy spots, and luckily, it's not much, just a few stray patches on his lower back.

"Good news, it's not lice," Ten tells Johnny, knowing that is what the man is most worried about at the moment, but he won't be for long.

"Bad news, I think he has psoriasis."

**Right on Time**

The Jungs appear at their front door just as Donghyuck wipes off the last of his tears. It took Ten quite some time to calm him down because Johnny kept giving unnecessary comments, comments which only made the younger panic. _It's chronic and incurable_ is **_not_** what you tell a person seconds after they find out they're possibly sick, but Johnny never had much tact, so Ten is not too surprised. The Jungs' arrival, however, is a surprise, and Ten internally and externally curses at their timing.

"Why the fuck are they here?" He questions, desperately trying to gather stuff that is lying around the living room and throw it into his office that is right next door. Not only are they currently an emotional mess, but their home is not in a much better state either.

"I might've made a big deal over the phone earlier," Johnny admits. "I guess they're here to clear up the misunderstanding."

Ten kicks Johnny's dumbells under the sofa. "I fucking hate those people. God forbid if they end up looking bad. They probably came with a bottle of wine or something just to apologize. Fucking Jungs."

Deeming the trash can too far away, the man hastily shoves empty candy wrappers into the sides of the sofa, simultaneously ushering his son to get up, as well as his husband. Johnny seems more lost than Donghyuck does, standing in the middle of the living room with his poor excuse of a phone doing nothing while Ten quickly, but gently sends Donghyuck upstairs. From the corner of his eye, he sees shadows outside, and it does not take long before the doorbell starts ringing again. With a chain of extremely inappropriate cures, he retreats to the living room.

"Why are you just standing there? Go answer the door," he whisper-yells, shoving his husband out of the living room, "but don't let them in just yet! Stall! I need to do something about the kitchen."

With those words, Ten runs back into the kitchen, and he lets out a squeal once he realizes how much of a mess it is. Roomba the Fourth did _absolutely_ nothing, getting stuck underneath their credenza, shutting down. Ten doesn't remember it announcing getting stuck, but he was probably too busy trying to calm Donghyuck down— the boy was wailing his heart out, saying he is mangy, crying even louder than he was when they were cleaning his legs. He can only hope the Jungs will fuck off sooner than usual, and not stay over for 4 hours like they always do, because he is sure Donghyuck is not okay, and he needs company.

"Fucking Jungs," he hisses, picking up dirty wipes and paper towels Donghyuck blew his nose in, "fucking Roomba."

As if it heard him, he promptly trips over the part of it that is peeking from under the credenza, almost dropping what he is holding. Tears well up in his eyes from the pain. He is barefoot, so the collision hurt more than it would if he were to wear slippers like Johnny always tells him to.

"Fuck," he breathes out, kicking the damn thing, albeit carefully with his other leg. "I'm going to throw you into a dumpster! Useless piece of shit."

Voices start echoing through the house at that exact moment, meaning Johnny is not doing great, and Ten needs to hurry. In the end, he opens the door of the pantry sweeping the dirt in with his feet, closing the door just in time to see Johnny's panicked face as he enters the living room, the Jungs trailing not too far behind him. There is, as expected, a gift bag in his hands, the neck of some expensive bottle of wine peeking out of it, courtesy of Jaehyun's fancy wine collection, most likely.

"Honey," Johnny calls, a forced, panicked smile on his face. "The Jungs are here."

"Oh, my," Ten says as if he did not know before, breathless. He is leaning against the door of the pantry, trying to look as natural as possible. "What a _wonderful_ surprise!"

"You're getting better and better, Ten," Jaehyun tells him, already making himself comfortable on the sofa. They all know Ten hates when they drop by unannounced. "If you keep up with it, I might actually believe you one day."

He drops the act as soon as those words leave Jaehyun's mouth, and he crosses his arms across his chest. "Why the fuck are you guys here?"

Taeyong, ever so virtuous, immediately puts his hands over the ears of his youngest gremlin, sending an angry look towards Ten. "The _children_ , Ten."

Both of the said children roll their eyes at their father's words, and Jisung wriggles away from Taeyong's grasp, joining his other father on the sofa together with his brother. Only then does Ten notice his son's handiwork, and he barely suppresses his laugh; Jaemin looks ridiculous without his hair, reminding Ten of a baby monk. That thought, however, suddenly reminds Ten of _his_ bald monk days, and he shudders, remembering just how ugly he looked.

Shaking his head, he takes the gift bag out of Johnny's hands, sneaking a look at the wine brand. "Oh, this is _nice_ ," he comments, pulling out the bottle and having a better look at the merlot. It's _expensive_ expensive. "You guys must've fucked up real bad."

From the corner of his eye, he can see Taeyong wince. Is it because it's his fault, or is it because Ten cursed again, he is not sure, but the look Jaehyun is giving his husband makes him believe it is the former. Shoving the wine into Johnny's hands and telling him to bring out the glasses, Ten approaches Taeyong with a grin on his face. The other refuses to meet his eyes, which only further confirms it is Taeyong's fault, and not Jaemin's like Donghyuck guessed before.

"Taeyongie," he calls, a mildly disturbing smile on his face. In the background, Jaemin comments on how fast he's been able to figure out it's his father's fault with awe. "Taeyongie, what did you do?"

Taeyong still refuses to meet his eyes, looking everywhere except at Ten. Both men have their arms crossed in front of them, standing like two fools at the entrance of the living room, and everyone is quiet, afraid that if they make a wrong move, Ten will chew their heads off. Jaehyun and Taeyong exchange a couple of rather aggressive looks, and finally, after what seems like a decade, Taeyong clears his throat. 

"Well, as you can see, Jaemin is bald."

"Yeah, no shit."

Taeyong's eye twitches at the crude language. "He is bald, and that's _your_ son's fault."

"Hey," Johnny says, clearly upset. "It's not Hyuck's fault. If your son didn't—"

"Shut up, John. We'll discuss that later," Ten interrupts his husband and goes back to Taeyong. "Okay. Little asshole turned one of your gremlins into an egg. What's that got to do with lice?"

"Well, the teacher called, and I panicked. I told her Donghyuck gave Jaemin lice, so he doesn't get detention. That's why she called Johnny right after."

Now that the cat is out of the bag, Taeyong's eyes turn to look at the floor. He is still more than embarrassed for what he's done, and the fact the Seos are angry is not helping. It is eerily quiet. Ten and Johnny seem to be processing what Taeyong just said, and all the man hopes is that they won't start yelling at him, or start hitting him. You never know with Ten. Ten seems aggressive.

"What are you even talking about," Ten questions, confusion evident in his voice. At last, Taeyong dares to look at him, primarily to see if he is joking, but Ten genuinely looks confused. "Detention? What's detention got to do with it?"

Taeyong quickly realizes why he is so baffled, and awe transforms his face before he starts laughing in astonishment. "Unbelievable. I truly am the only one that went through the school's rules and regulations."

"They're not allowed to be bald?" Ten asks, realizing from the context what the problem is about, turning around to look at his husband, waiting for an answer. Johnny shrugs in response.

"I don't know. Didn't you take the papers and pamphlets they were giving out during the first parent-teacher meeting?"

"Yeah, but I used those to make threatening letters for Mr. Johnson. I needed newspapers, and we didn't have any at the time."

"Ooh, is that how you got him to stop mowing his lawn at 8 am during weekends?" Johnny asks his husband, and Ten proudly nods.

"I think we're going off-topic," Taeyong says.

Ten sighs. "You know what? It doesn't matter. Apology accepted, or whatever. You guys can head back home. We have more important shit to worry about than you being a wuss."

"I'm not a wuss!"

"You lied to your son's teacher and told her he had lice because you're scared of what people might think if he gets detention," Ten drawls, giving Taeyong a look. Jaemin mutters a quiet _kill me_ to no one in particular.

"Wait," Jaehyun finally speaks up, bothered by what Ten has said before. "Did something happen? Can we help?" 

"We think Hyuckie has psoriasis, and the little guy is not handling it too well," Johnny explains, playing with the rim of one of the glasses he took out for the wine. "He had a meltdown a bit before you came, so we sent him upstairs."

Their friend's faces fall immediately.

"Oh, God," Taeyong breathes out. "Why didn't you say so! Did you take him to the doctors yet? How severe is it? I once thought Jisung had it too, but thank God it was just mild irritation from a new fabric softener."

Ten sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know. We just found out ourselves. Thanks to you, Johnny was panicking about him having lice for real, so we were pestering him about it. He told us Jaemin probably made it up as revenge because Hyuck purposely fucked up his hair after he teased him about having scabies, and one thing led to another. I just—" he pauses, letting a shaky breath out. "I don't know, Tae. It's not bad, but I'm scared of it getting worse, you know? I kept telling him it's okay, but I don't know jack shit about psoriasis. "

Taeyong nods, and promptly pulls Ten into a hug. "It's going to be okay, Ten. Psoriasis might not have a cure, but there are many ways to keep it under control."

"Tae is right," Jaehyun says, standing up from the sofa. He quickly pulls his phone out, scrolling through his contacts. "I have a friend. His name is Taeil Moon, and he is a dermatologist. Usually, you'd need to call in and ask for an appointment, but I'll give you his private number, so he might be able to squeeze you in as soon as next week."

"Man," Johnny says, deeply touched. "Thank you."

"It's no problem. Taeil is a nice guy. We went to him a couple of years ago when we noticed a weird mole on Jisung's back," he says. "It was nothing serious, but we still keep going on regular check-ups. Just tell him you're a friend of mine, and it should be fine."

Johnny gives the man a half-hug before taking his phone and saving the man's number. Jaehyun comments how shattered his screen is, and Johnny rats Ten out in an instant, telling them how he flung it across the room. They all start laughing at the crazy story, and the mood brightens a little bit. The kids, however, still look somewhat sad, especially Jaemin, who regrets making fun of Donghyuck.

He raises his hand tentatively, and when Ten notices him, he asks, "Can I go and see Hyuck?" 

"Yeah," the man says. "Just… be gentle with him. He's really bummed out."

Jaemin nods his head frantically, immediately bolting out of his seat and running upstairs. Ten watches Jisung chew on his bottom lip, clearly contemplating something, so when he raises his hand much like his brother did before, Ten thinks he is about to ask if he can go and see Donghyuck as well.

He smiles at the 13-year-old. "Yes, Jisung?"

"Is psoriasis a fancy doctor word for scabies?

**Heart to Heart over 100$ Wine**

" _I'm so sorry_ ," Taeyong apologizes for what seems the millionth time. "I don't know what he was thinking."

Ten waves him off, taking a sip of his wine. It's _marvelous_. Jaehyun truly has good taste. "It's alright. He is just a kid. But even if he wasn't, I'm used to it. John has no tact, either."

Ten and Taeyong sit at the kitchen island, each with a glass of wine in their hands. After getting an answer to his highly inappropriate question, Jisung had asked for permission to go and see Donghyuck, leaving the two couples alone. It turns out the little guy thought psoriasis is something contagious and was afraid to go and see the other boy. Luckily, Jisung is a bright gremlin, and he was able to understand what they were saying to him fairly quickly, nodding his head in understanding before bolting upstairs to join Donghyuck's pity party.

So, with the kids out of the way, the men relaxed. Johnny and Jaehyun went to the back garden upon Johnny's request, most likely to discuss the best approach to expanding the treehouse, and Ten and Taeyong stayed inside, deciding that wine is a much better option than a conversation about drills. It's only been about 15 minutes since Jisung went upstairs, but Ten is already on his second glass. He can't get Donghyuck off his mind.

"Being a parent is fucking hard," he says in the end, playing with his almost empty glass. His eyes roam around the kitchen before they settle on the fridge, catching sight of one of Donghyuck's old drawings that are hanging on it. It's a drawing of early spring flowers, and at the time, Donghyuck put great effort in it, but Ten can not help himself but laugh at it because all snowdrops and sweet violas look like tiny dicks. It's easily one of his favorite drawings made by Donghyuck, but truth be told, anything he does Ten adores.

"Tell me about it," Taeyong laughs, but it is a rather painful laugh that ends with a sigh. "Sometimes I really question our decision to adopt so young. It's not that I regret doing it, you know. I love them. But it's just that I sometimes feel like Jae and I did it on a whim, and that maybe if we had waited a couple of years, I'd be a better parent. Far more mature and reliable than I am now, at least. Of course, then the chances of us adopting exactly Jaemin and Jisung would be close to none, which is unimaginable to me now, but still…" the man trails off, looking at his wine with sadness in his eyes. "I just want to give them the world, and it doesn't feel like I'm doing it. Jae keeps telling me I'm doing fine. Everyone is telling me I'm doing fine. Why does it feel like I'm not, then?"

Ten gives him a half-smile. "Well, at least someone is telling you you're doing fine. All I get is _how did they let you have a kid_."

Taeyong's cheeks immediately turn pink, knowing he is one of the people that say that. "You know I only say that with the best intention—"

"It's fine," Ten dismisses him. "I don't beat myself up because of things like that. Donghyuck is a peculiar child, and he needs a more different approach from most kids, something most parents don't understand," he says, giving Taeyong a pointed look, "and unlike you, I _know_ I'm doing fine. But despite that, even I have times when I question myself. When you care so much about someone, it's in your nature to worry. Your problem, mister, is that you simply worry too much."

Taeyong gives him a small smile. "And you worry too little."

"Honestly, if I were to worry half as much as you, I'd die from some sort of heart failure within the next year or so. I can't afford to see raising Donghyuck as something daunting. That boy is an undying star, bursting over and over again. Supernova? More like Donghyuck disappearing for half a day, bringing back home a wild raccoon in his backpack with the biggest smile on his face. Did I worry about whether or not it bit him? No. My biggest worry was how to get rid of that thing without him crying."

"Jesus Christ."

"See, you'd probably yell at him and make him get rid of it, but that would be a mistake, because Donghyuck is a little asshole, and he'd start bringing rabid animals home every other day just because you yelled at him. You can't just _punish_ him and expect him to learn a lesson from it. Donghyuck is the type of child that will only learn his lesson after he has to deal with it himself. He is just so lively and full of energy, and so adventurous. I can't take that away from him, Tae. Being a curious, rebellious piece of shit is just what he is. Of course, that means he is not suitable for those that have a weak heart, but luckily I don't mind the thrill."

Both men fall into silence after that, watching their husbands pick up broken tree branches in the garden through the kitchen window. It reminds Ten that Donghyuck fell off the tree again today, although it feels like a lifetime ago because of the sudden psoriasis fiasco. He runs a hand through his hair before closing his eyes and burying his face into his hands, letting out a strangled cry. Everything he told Taeyong still stands—Donghyuck is a force, a burst of energy one can not limit, and it is something Ten has come to accept and love, but lately, he is becoming weaker and more affected by his recklessness.

"You know how I said even I have times when I question myself?" he asks the other man, head still buried in his hands. "Well, today is the lucky day, I guess. Hyuck fell off that fucking tree again, and I felt my heart drop into my stomach. Taeyong. I was _so_ close to storming outside and cutting that piece of crap down, as well as beating Hyuck up for climbing it. And then this psoriasis thing? I just—today is a really shitty day, and I feel like a really shitty father."

Taeyong pats the other man's back gently. "What's that thing you always say to me? _The little asshole is alive, and that's all that matters_. There. But to make you feel a bit better, I'll remind you that today, I lied to the boys' teacher and told her your kid gave mine lice. I also had to leave work early because I was shaking from fear in my seat, and it distracted my colleagues from doing their work." He pauses a bit and takes a sip of his wine. "I also forced my husband to give you a 100$ worth bottle of wine, so he is a little bit mad at me."

Ten's eyes become wide as saucers as he lifts the glass of wine that is in his hand, pointing at it with his other hand. "This is 100$?"

Taeyong nods his head yes, tipping his glass back and finishing what is left. "It's Italian."

"Damn," Ten says, reaching for the bottle. "I'll pour us another glass each and then hide it from John. That monster mixes his wine with Pepsi."

"You do that," Taeyong laughs weakly. "God. Today really is a shitty day. I just remembered I also forgot to go grocery shopping. The boys will get toasted cardboard for breakfast tomorrow, I guess."

"Why do I feel like you're trying to fight with me over who's the worse father," Ten asks, resealing the wine bottle and hiding it in the oven where he is sure Johnny will never look. "That's sad."

"Well, to be honest, I think we're both horrible. And that's okay, I guess."

"Of course. Not everyone can be perfect like Dongyoung Kim, Tae."

"Oh my God, you're right," Taeyong moans, rolling his eyes at the mention of his name. "Doyoung _is_ the perfect dad."

"But he's boring as fuck, and his kids are boring as fuck, too, so who's the real winner here?"

Ten and Taeyong look at each other for a second before coming to the same conclusion that Kim Dongyoung indeed is the winner, and they both shake their heads, each taking a sip of their freshly refilled glasses of wine.

"I hate Doyoung," Taeyong says.

"Me too. I think I hate him more than I hate you."

"Really? That's really sweet of you to say. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now, would you like to go upstairs with me and check if the kids are alive? It's too quiet. I don't like that."

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah... that's pretty much it. I know this fic is primarily humor based, but since I am, after all, describing daily lives of a couple of families, there has to be some serious parts to it yknow, to add a touch of the real word. I, personally, do not have psoriasis (I only occassionally get hives from stressing too much, and that's far from it) but my aunt does, and I've seen her struggle with it for years. It's one of those things that don't seem like a big deal at first glance, especially if its mild, but then you realize how careful one must be not to trigger a reaction, and how much it affects their daily life, from the choice of shampoo to the choice of supplements and I... Idk, I just want my characters to seem like real people, and have flaws like real people. 
> 
> Please do let me know if you'd like to see more of content like this, and if you do, what would you like to see next? The Kims? The Jungs? The Seos? Or maybe what the kids were doing upstairs? A bit of Donghyuck? I'm open to all suggestions!
> 
> PS. Stream Punch, fellas!


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